Splitting hairs on technology

What technology gives, technology takes. Here’s some hair-raising proof…

There are two kinds of people in this world – the haves, who are of the hirsute variety and are desperate to lose some hair, and the have-nots, who would do anything to get the fuzz back on their head. However, both have one thing in common – they are both running a fine-toothed comb through technology, to find an answer.

While records reveal that the haves have had a close shave with technology, the hair clinics have been bombarding the have-nots with messages like ‘Hair on, or happiness gone’. And it’s working, because it’s common knowledge that while it can get lonely at the top, it certainly can't get sparse. So these hair clinics used cutting-edge technology to come up with Follicular Unit Transplantation (FUT). Of course, looking at the current crop of cricketers and commentators, one realises that the transplant has to be done carefully or the result would be closer to a fruit than FUT, what with the 'FUT head' resembling a pineapple.

Another key advancement is the laser light treatment which promises not only to make light of the baldness problem, but also make the future of bald pates brighter and put a mane on man. Called photobiostimulation, the technique has resulted in stimulating the economy of several countries to a large extent, with billions of dollars being spent on GDP (Gross Development of Pilus). Cloning has become another rage, with cells from a strand of human hair being cloned into thousands of replicas, all of which could be planted in the barren areas. It didn't matter if people suddenly had no resemblance to their mug shots in their passport or driver's license - it was a case of prioritising social recognition over facial recognition.

However, there is another school of thought that is losing hair at the very mention of laser light being used to grow hair. Wasn't laser technology supposed to aid hair removal in the first place? Refusing to be drawn into petty fights involving the laser ("That's more Darth Vader's domain, isn't it?"), the beauty industry worked in close collaboration with the medical fraternity - much like a shampoo and conditioner - and came up with the Intense Pulsed Light (IPL), which helps in hair removal and in photorejuvenation (a technical term for looking refreshed and youthful in a photo after an IPL session).

There’s a very simple law of physics which says that light travels from a bulb to an object. IPL simply reverses this law and light - an entire spectrum of it - is made to penetrate the skin and travel to the bulb - of the hair, at its roots. Disputing any law generates a lot of heat and it is apparently this heat that destroys the hair, shaft and all.

But there are issues with it. The variable pricing could make people's hairs stand on end. And it's certainly not advisable for pregnant women and people with sensitive skin. Besides, areas where hair removal has been done should not be exposed to harsh sunlight. (In Chennai, that would mean not having an IPL session all year.) Reports also have it that the treatment may not be entirely painless.

To all those looking for an option, may we suggest the IPL (Indian Premier League). With nine teams, 200 players, 496 sponsors, 12,496 runs, 219,865 ads and 4,780,961 tweets, you have enough stats to make you want to tear your hair out. Following it on the mobile or on your tablet calls for a bit of technology, but look at the positive side of things - it's absolutely free.

Besides, who would have thought that technology's worthy answer to DHT (dihydrotestosterone – the hormone responsible for baldness in men) would be DTH?