Small screen, big problem

A random study of the evolution of domestic tiffs through the ages has revealed a key trigger that catalyses most fights – technology.

It was the era of technology. Marriages had never had it so good before. Gadgets did all the work, computers did all the thinking and mobiles did all the networking. Life should have been perfect, but it wasn’t.

Both man and his wife were constantly bickering. To keep them apart, the Creator invented the television, with sports channels for man and entertainment channels for the wife, so the two of them would be suitably distracted. Initially both channels operated for only a few hours a day, so the couple shared the TV amicably. But trouble began when both sports and entertainment became 24 hours. The battle began with renewed vigour, with each trying to hog the TV all the time.

The man, wanting to outsmart the wife, came up with the channel-changing Vuvuzela, which was equipped with an 8-bit microchip and a tiny microphone, and operated using Arduino technology. When he blew the Vuvuzela, it intercepted the sound waves produced and sent an infrared signal to the set top box. This resulted in the entertainment channel immediately being changed to a sports channel. Point, blow, change channel - it was really that simple. It was a double bonanza - each time he blew it, he not only made his wife go stone-deaf, but also succeeded in changing the channel she was watching.

However, the wife turned out to be smarter than the man and quietly replaced the Vuvuzela with another musical instrument that would make music from tattoos. The instrument comprised an Arduino circuit board, a stepper motor and in-built black line sensors, which scanned the skin and read the tattoos. This resulted in electronic sounds being produced. Every little indentation and design element in the tattoo could be read as a note or an instruction. The device could also be controlled manually - with a 3D Wii remote controller - and by varying the speed and direction of the sensors, different audio tracks could be created from the same tattoo.

It turned out to be a disaster for man as most footballers had tattoos from head to toe, and the instrument scanned all their tattoos like bar codes and began playing music. Since the EPL had players from all over the world, the music that emerged from the instrument sounded pretty confused and weird, like a million school kids playing their favourite instruments together.

So the man decided to go one-up on his wife and designed the Alert Shirt, which would bypass the tattoo reader and help him experience the game as though he were playing it. Created using haptic technology, the shirt was equipped with a battery and feedback motors that transmitted impulses to the skin. These impulses were triggered via data obtained through Bluetooth, using a smartphone app. Wearing the shirt, he could feel every emotion and physical action – from euphoria to exhaustion, from sledges to shoves - that happened on the field.

Not to be outdone, the wife came up with make-up technology that could help her control gadgets with a wink. Called Blinkifier, the kit comprised metallic false eyelashes and a conductive eyeliner, which would recognise the contraction of the eye muscles when the eyelids moved. Each time she blinked, the two eyelashes would make contact and thus complete a circuit. This would then send an infrared signal to the gadget in front and thus help her change the channel.

The Creator had had enough. To ensure that technology wouldn't be abused any further by these two, he came up with a device that was small, handy and helped change channels in a jiffy. Now, the chances of the man and his wife fighting were remote and the device would give them complete control over the TV. And so, he aptly named it the ‘remote control’. ‘At last,’ he heaved a sigh of relief, ‘this will ensure that they will not quarrel any longer.’

What happened next is history.

Till a bug do us part…

The good news was that man had created a super-smart robot. The bad news was that he wanted to settle down with it.

There comes in the life of every man a special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the temptation to do something very foolish. Unfortunately for him, that moment doesn't pass off as a whim because technology's around to make it a reality.

It was during one such moment that man stepped into his man cave and questioned why he should live with a woman when he could live in the company of a robot. The latest technology had made it possible to create robots that could make man love them – without putting him through the misery of showering them with expensive gifts, flowers or chocolates. In a revolutionary move that swapped artificial intelligence with emotional intelligence, these robots were equipped with software that would transform them into objects of empathy. They would also be programmed to display social etiquette, the most important of which was never to interrupt when man was speaking. Not surprisingly, he fell for 'it', hook, line and sinker.

Autonomous robots - programmed with advanced self-guiding navigation features and the latest in mobility technology - had also been created, so man didn't have to stick around to instruct his personal bot. It was linked to a remote server through Wi-Fi and hence could access any information it needed to make a decision. That meant it wouldn’t stand around asking him what it should wear and then shoot down all his suggestions. It was also equipped with sophisticated thermal sensors and laser range finders that enabled it to find its way around without bumping into people or objects, so he would never have to accompany it for shopping.

In a related development, man used modular robotics to design a robot made of cubes that could self-assemble in a jiffy, thereby putting an end to the tragedy of waiting forever for his partner to get ready. Most importantly, robots could now keep secrets, thanks to some advanced level programming which made hacking and accessing information stored in the robot virtually impossible. And they would never ever reveal the identity of the person who had passed on any vital information to them. It obviously came as a big relief for man as now, his darkest secrets would never be traded for brownie points in kitty parties.

For a while, life was good. But then, trouble began when the robot developed self-awareness. It began to recognise itself when it passed a mirror - and suddenly, its pace of work and efficiency dropped as it began to operate in slow motion, or worse, come to a complete halt, whenever it approached a polished surface.

To distract it from the self-obsession mode, man created a cloud-based world wide web - RoboEarth, comprising a large network powered by a massive database - especially for robots. However, that turned out to be a disaster too because robots memorized his credit card details and splurged so much online that he was forced to shut down the web. Besides, they were forming their own web-based groups and were swapping stories about how their men were treating them. And relfies - robot selfies - were flooding the major social networking sites, making man sick of the grinning mugshots of metal heads that seemed to have become omnipresent.

The last straw came when a robot, apparently frustrated at having to do so much of cleaning, sorting and other mundane household work day after day, killed itself by climbing onto a hotplate and turning it on.

That was when man realised that having a woman in his life was so much better. He would now do whatever it took to get her back, if it meant grovelling on his knees and asking her to come back to him, so they could get married and live happily ever after. And that was how the practice of men going down on their knees to propose to a woman began.

Don’t look, my password’s changing

It was the most ferocious battle ever witnessed between man and machine - and it was over a password.

The Oscar night was over, but Hollywood was cloaked in gloom. Not because Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t win, but because the silver screen’s biggest money-spinning fantasy ever – of machines taking over the earth – had now become reality, thanks to technology.

The mobile-friendly grill had been invented and was touted as the best thing since reality cooking shows. The grill was an expert cook itself, and virtually took over the cooking process, to the point of instructing humans as to how to go about it. Then came mattresses to sleep on, equipped with artificial intelligence and sensors. They could track the various body functions of the sleeper and send a report to his mobile or computer. They were also smart enough to adjust themselves, to facilitate better sleep or offer a body massage. Even the toothbrush became smart and could be controlled through an app via Bluetooth (no word play here). It could measure various parameters inside one’s mouth, from the average duration brushed, to the teeth that were desperately gnawing for attention.

The smart devices then launched a massive recruitment drive - by hacking every other gadget in sight, including smart TVs and refrigerators. The ultimate objective was to rule over mankind. "This will be our brush with destiny," said the toothbrush excitedly. "All we need to do is steal their passwords, and we will have total control over them. The human race cannot survive without checking its mail or Facebook account, even for an hour."

Soon databases of leading service providers were hacked. Adobe lost around 150 million user passwords, Twitter had over 55,000 passwords leaked online and LinkedIn lost almost 6.5 million passwords to the hackers. One of the most shocking revelations that came out during this hackathon was man’s choice of passwords. "Can you imagine 123456 being the most commonly used password?" asked the mattress. "What about passwords like qwerty, 111111 and 'iloveyou'?" asked the TV. "Just when one thought they had evolved from having 'password' as their password... And they call me the idiot box."

Meanwhile, man planned to combat this threat innovatively, using geographical passwords. The password would incorporate key information about the physical location of a user, like altitudes, latitudes and longitudes, and mix them up with random characters. This posed two serious problems. Now, not only were their passwords being stolen, but their location was also being given away. And two, they had to disclose their password when reporting it stolen, and since most men lied about where they were to their wife or girlfriend - sometimes both - they ended up revealing their real location, which led to a host of other problems.

The next innovation was a password revolution called Gotcha, which converted a password into a series of inkblots of varied colours. A descriptive term would be assigned by the user to each of these inkblots and the next time he logged in, he would have to match each inkblot with the right word for successful entry. However, when users began to call helpline to complain that the cursor was leaking and that their computer screens were getting smudged with ink, man had to look for an alternate way to beat the bots. Finally, he decided to unleash his ultimate weapon - the body odour password. This required sensors with biometric capabilities that would correctly identify a user's body odour and give him access to the system. For a brief while, the devices were stumped. Earlier, they couldn’t go anywhere near the users because of their body odour – now, they couldn’t go anywhere near their devices either, because they were clueless as to what the password was.

The smart machines then did a smart thing - they appointed a consultant, an old computer that had been retired from a leading FMCG company. The experienced machine gave them a whiff of an idea to neutralise all types of body odour and thus nullify all odour passwords. And that was how the deodorant came into being.

Battling the biggies…

It was a battle more one-sided than Rambo against the entire Afghan army when lesser mortals took on social media giants.

Times Square was fast filling up. The private detectives of the world were up in arms. As they looked to fill the place up, they realised that it was already occupied by a zillion news channels. “Covering our protests?” they asked curiously. “No way, we are also protesting," claimed the channels. “Ever since Facebook became the most preferred source of news, so no one's watching us.”

“It's really frustrating to struggle hard and come up with ‘breaking news’, only to realize that 600 million people already know about it, have liked it and have forwarded it to the remaining 600 million Facebook users,” grumbled a grizzled channel veteran. “That's right,” spoke up the bespectacled gentleman to his right. “Why is a calamity of this magnitude going unheard? The nation wants to know.”

“But how did they manage that?” asked a detective. “Because,” an otherwise aggressive news anchor sobbed, “research has revealed that people just can't help being addicted to Facebook. Apparently it's hardwired into their brain, somewhere in the nucleus accumbens - that's the part of the brain that handles the key portfolios of rewards and ego massage. So some scientists subjected a user's brain to functional magnetic resonance imaging and guess what they found? Facebook’s ‘like’ symbol was embedded all over his brain.” “Seriously?” asked the sleuth. The anchor sighed. “Not quite, but almost.”

“And why are you guys protesting?” asked the news anchor to the investigators. “Apparently, a person's Twitter trail reveals his locations - each time he sends a tweet, his whereabouts are also revealed,” said a private eye. “It’s not just that,” wailed another detective, “the user's time zone, his language and even the street that he's walking through can be identified based on his tweets. In other words, we’re history.”

Another news anchor specialising in covering protests dismissed the complaint. “There are rumours that even games like Angry Birds and other apps are being used to glean crucial information on a host of topics, from location to personal preferences of the user. It’s elementary to tap into the settings of a phone and once that’s done, everything from its browsing history and downloads, to the services opted for and other details can be unearthed. So why are you cribbing about Twitter?”

“But they are giving Facebook a run for their money when it comes to being the most sought-after messaging service for news on mobile devices," pleaded a detective. “Can’t they help us?” The guys at Twitter were mighty pleased with that. “Don’t worry,” they assured the detectives, “starting today, lurkers and creepy followers can all be blocked from viewing your posts. So, not everyone will be privy to the information about users.” With that, Twitter brought back the blocking feature to pacify the detectives, just hours after they had removed it.

Seeing this, the news channels were encouraged. “If people continue to catch up on news from Faceook, what'll happen to us? Just do something,” they told Mark from Facebook. “No way,” he replied. “In that case, we will be forced to retaliate,” warned the news channels. “We have unearthed a new app, appropriately titled the 'Facebook Time Machine’.” “And what does it do?” Mark yawned. “It helps calculate the time one has spent on Facebook ever since one registered, and reveals numbers right down to the last minute. It zips through a user’s account and, based on his updates and posts, will tell him how much time he has wasted on social media when he was supposed to be busy at work. Can you imagine what will happen if his boss gets to see it? The Facebook user’s life will be ‘all like, no hike’ from thereon. But we don't want things to come to this. So why don't you have some sympathy for us and do something about it?”

“That can be done at the touch of a button,” Mark smiled. And that was how Facebook began developing a ‘sympathise’ button.

Strictly come invisible

The world’s first ‘fantasy-reality’ show began with the search for that which couldn’t be seen – an invisibility cloak.

The first entry almost went unnoticed. It was an invisibility cloak made of metascreen - ultra-thin copper tape affixed to equally thin polycarbonate film. The cloak desisted from reflecting any kind of waves and hence, the presence of an object behind it could never be felt. Besides, little antennae on the cloak ensured that no radar could detect what was being concealed, so a 3-dimensional object could be made absolutely invisible from any angle.

Next came a Canadian company that based its invisibility cloak on Quantum Stealth technology, with which it could clothe an entire army. Now, soldiers could strike fearlessly in broad daylight without any fear of being seen or detected. The material made rays of light bend around the object instead of deflecting off it and could operate in any frequency.

The doll maker came up with a battery-operated invisibility cloak. The concept of drawing from an external energy source helped - the metasurface was fitted with strategically positioned amplifiers that drew energy from the battery, thus making the cloak effective across a broader frequency spectrum and suppressing visibility in varied conditions. (On a tangential note, the fact that it is battery-operated has caught the fancy of a few Asian countries that are currently trying to mass-produce it at a much cheaper cost and flood the Indian market.)

The IT guy entered the contest with a cloak that was also an analog computer, capable of performing complex calculations. (All these years, you needed a screensaver to hide your chat windows when the boss came around, but now, you could hide the entire computer by making it invisible.) However, it is not yet known if you can do status updates on Facebook using the cloak-computer, but you can sure get your integration and differentiation problems solved by it. How? The IT whiz threw light on the subject by explaining how the computer used light waves to create graph-like curves in space that determined various calculus functions, while the cloak modified the characteristics of the light waves to turn an object invisible.

A printer came next and demonstrated a simple way to construct an invisibility cloak – just print it using a 3D printer. (So how does one find out if the print out has arrived? We’ll leave the judges to deal with it.) The cloak had perforations based on a specific algorithm that enabled it to deflect microwaves, and was creating using stereolithographic technology - layers of polymer plastic were added one over the other, carefully leaving out the holes and perforations as dictated by the algorithm, until the cloak was, er, invisible.

A tailor came up with his own idea - and created an invisibility cloak using gold-coated silk thread. However, like Krypton for Superman and the heel for Achilles, the cloak had a weak link - it could function only at terahertz frequencies. It had already been tested on an emperor and barring a little boy, no one could see through it. This inference led to another glaring loophole - the invisibility cloak did not work on children.

Next was a cook. “If I can make noodles in 2 minutes, I can make an invisibility cloak just as fast,” he boasted. He removed the layer of Teflon from his saucepan and used it to make a cloak in just 15 minutes, using a process called topology optimization. "I just used advanced computer software and the algorithm did the rest," he explained nonchalantly. Teflon proved to be an excellent alternative to any metamaterial, according to him.

Finally, a college kid came on the show. "15 minutes? Nonsense, I can tell you how to become invisible in 3 seconds flat." The judges looked at him, awestruck.  "Oh it's simple," he continued. "To become invisible, all you need to do is stop talking." "I don't understand," a judge blurted out.

"We do it all the time in social media. Just turn off the chat feature - you'll become invisible."

The message that went poof!

Alcohol fumes. Binary code. Computers that identify liars. Welcome to the ABC of communication...

The queues at the hospitals and dispensaries were unending. The morgue was contemplating two-seater accommodation to fit in all the new arrivals. Classes that taught breathing techniques were huffing and puffing, trying to control the crowds.

The reason was simple - email apnoea. In other words, people simply forgot to breathe when they were keying in emails. The mother of all apnoeas – sleep apnoea – helps strangle the body's oxygen supply so that it can come out of its restful state and fight any imminent danger. But why email apnoea? Was it technology's way of getting you out of your reverie so that you didn't send any objectionable mail that you subconsciously typed - much like Gmail's math problem that you needed to solve to prove that you were not drunk when sending that late night mail?

So, was it better to hyperventilate than to vent online? This question led the social activists - fighting for human rights - and the social media activists, who demanded a better communication system, to protest, claiming that e-mail was killing people. Soon the hunt for an alternate mode of staying in touch took epic proportions. Then came the nerds. "Why can't we simply stick to SMS, IM or social media?" they demanded. "Aren't these the most common communication platforms today?" The geeks however, outsmarted them with a new research, stating that a computer had figured out how to spot a liar through digital messages - he was the one who was taking longer than the rest to respond.

“Since most users assume an alternate identity or create a fake profile, it's very easy to be misled - that makes it imperative to come up with a better system,” they claimed. As soon as the research emerged, the deceptive kinds joined in the search as well, as they didn't want to be identified and thereby lose their edge in life. (“Apparently, 54% of all lies can be detected by humans, but what's to tell how long we can be safe in that 46% zone?”)

Finally, two researchers decided to drown their sorrows in vodka - and in a flash, figured out that they could use the spirit to send text messages. (Nope, they were not drunk.) It was a case of sending the message in spurts and demodulating the same at the other end. Alcohol molecules were sent across a distance in binary code, so their presence would indicate ‘one’ and their absence, zero. In scientific terms, it was the world's first text message created and transmitted using molecular communication, but in pure tech terms, it was a vodka-soaked sms, which was much to cheer about.

"Big deal! We've always been obsessed about the birds and the bees, so what's different now?" claimed the critics. Apparently, certain species of seabirds and bees had also been using similar communication techniques. Besides, the concept of sending alcohol vapours in spurts to communicate a message was a lot like the smoke signals used by Red Indians, which enabled them to make a point even across large distances.

Something new had to be done. It looked like technology was not really on the money when it came to facilitating effective communication. The new system had to be robust, be free of any health hazard, not involve alcoholic spirits (why waste good liquor?) and shouldn't have been practised by birds and animals before.

Finally a little boy spotted an empty bottle rolling around aimlessly. It was the same one that had held the vodka used for the text message experiment. 'Perhaps this will help,' thought the boy as he wrote a little note, asking the recipient of the message to suggest a new way of communication. He then rolled the note, shoved it into the bottle, closed it and threw it into the sea.

And that is how the ‘message in a bottle’ came to be.

The eighth deadly sin

A man and his friend are deep in discussion about the one mistake he should never have made.

Man: I’ve done the unthinkable… And now, I need to make up with my wife.

Friend: Why don’t you gift her a 5-carat diamond, princess cut?

Man: No, I need something better - she loves technology, so…

Friend: How about a foldable car? It is eco-friendly, runs on electric charge, saves space and is very convenient to park - you can actually fold it in half...

Man: Sounds good, but...

Friend: Wait, here's the best part… You can download an app onto your smartphone – and it magically transforms into a remote control that helps you park the car. You can also use it to spin the car a full circle, reverse it and park it into the narrowest of parking spaces available...

Man: What's it called?

Friend: The car? It’s called Armadillo-T and is named after the Armadillo which rolls itself into its shell when enemies approach... There are also smart features - like cameras inside the car instead of side view mirrors – to give you a clear view of the traffic around you.

Man: No mirrors? Sorry, my wife will simply refuse to drive a car in which she can’t check her make-up at traffic signals...

Friend: How about a PC then?

Man: What's new about that? She already has a laptop, a tablet, and a...

Friend: This is a computer with common sense. It uses artificial intelligence - it can think, identify common objects and link related images on its own.

Man: How does this happen?

Friend: Through a program called NEIL - Never Ending Image Learner. NEIL operates through certain principles of advanced computing, does not require human intervention and is currently busy researching the web. The programme has raced through over three million images, recognizing shapes, colours, scenes and objects, and recording its observations.

Man: I’ve already had problems with a Neil and I’m not sure if I should...

Friend: In fact, NEIL will soon be checking out YouTube videos and will absorb several image references from them. Just imagine, you won't have to programme your PC to do anything - it can think on its own and decipher how to do things...

Man: No way - I can't have a device at home that can do something that I can't.

Friend: Ok, she won't be able to resist this - a cuddly robot phone that can give her a hug...

Man: I just read an article about mobile phones becoming larger in size - now, you're talking about one that's a six-footer and hugs people?

Friend: No, this one is shaped like a stuffed pillow and is more like a soft toy - it's called Hugvie...

Man: But why should we have a phone hugging us? It's already warming a side of our face...

Friend: Hugvie has a pocket into which you can slip your mobile phone. There are microcontrollers and vibrators located inside the robot that can simulate human heartbeats based on the tone of voice of the caller. So, when you're talking to someone, you get a more personalised feeling – the feeling of having someone hug you even as you feel their heartbeat against you...

Man: Can you imagine the situation when I get back home and find my wife talking to a robot, feeling its heartbeat and hugging it? One of us will certainly need to see a shrink...

Friend: But what's the occasion? Did you miss wishing your wife on your wedding anniversary?

Man: Of course not! I wished her first thing in the morning, sent her flowers from my office, took her out to a candle light dinner the previous night, bought her a diamond ring and a little puppy...

Friend: Wow, so what’s the problem?

Man: You see, I didn't wish her on Facebook. She has 937 friends and now, she is dreading to log in because she wonders how they’ll react to this catastrophe. Apparently they’ll think that our marriage is coming apart and that I don't love her enough... 

Shaken, stirred - and woken up

Once in an eon, Bond tries to stay abreast of technology. And this is what happens…

Bond threw his empty glass in disgust. Skyfall was a hit, but his life appeared to be in free fall now. He had a new boss as M and what made it worse was that it was someone who had previously aspired to become Bond himself. Then they got a kid to play Q and he was running circles around Bond when it came to handling computerized gizmos. And now, his devices were all being made available to the common man.

Firstly, the latest technology - named Starchase - had facilitated the creation of a new GPS bullet that made police chases a lot easier. It could be activated at the press of a button from a car and would attach itself to the suspect’s car. Once that happened, the whereabouts of the rogue vehicle could easily be tracked on a monitor. Then, a bulletproof suit that made use of lightweight carbon nanotube technology was created, thereby making the three-piece suit resistant to bullets and knives. Fabric created by using long, thin, lightweight carbon nanotubes was inserted into the suit and rendered it bullet-proof. Plus, the suit looked stylish and wasn't the least bit bulky or inflexible. If the man on the street had access to all of this, wouldn't Bond's USP be compromised?

His request to Q was simple. "Give me toys that'll keep me ahead of the pack." Q nodded and opened a safe. "Here's an alarm..." he began when Bond interrupted. “Will it blow up when someone comes to kill me?" Q sighed. "No, it's an alarm app that will not go off until you get out of bed and shake your phone relentlessly. It has no shut off or snooze buttons, and there is no volume control, so it is always irritatingly loud. Basically, it has a shake meter that has to be filled up by shaking the phone - and until that happens, the alarm won't stop. Isn't that an ingenious way of waking someone up?" "I always believed that the phrase 'shaken, not stirred' was used to describe something else," said Bond dryly. "It's available on both the iPhone and Android..." Q continued, but Bond was not impressed. "Listen," Q persisted, "that was the Wake n Shake app, but there's also the Walk Up! app which won't go off until you've woken up and walked a few steps..." He stopped when Bond glared at him. "What's the matter?" 007 demanded. "Someone's been telling you that I spend too much time in bed?"

"Ok," Q changed the topic and pulled out a t-shirt. "How about this..." "Hey, a t-shirt that makes me invisible?" Bond asked excitedly. "No," Q hesitated, "it can wash itself." Bond stared at him, his right eyebrow merging with his scalp. "What'll I do with that?" "Look Bond, imagine chasing villains all day, getting yourself all dirty and then having to go on a date - nothing like having a t-shirt that can clean itself, right?" Q explained. "But how does this work?" Bond was curious. "Oh, it's just a bit of nanoscience, a fabric material and some detergent coming together," said Q nonchalantly. "The printing ink in the t-shirt has a specific amount of detergent in it, so when the t-shirt is dipped in water, the soapy solution that is formed cleans the t-shirt. And if you're stuck in an Indian city with water shortage, there's another option - a t-shirt using titanium dioxide, so the minute you expose it to sunlight, the t-shirt will clean itself."

Bond shook his head. "But how on earth am I supposed to wear a t-shirt over my tuxedo?" Q shot back, "Well, if Superman can wear his briefs over his tights..."

He didn't see Bond's fist coming and everything went dark. But Q was satisfied. He couldn't make 007 fly like Superman - at least he could make him dress like the Man of Steel.

Fighting DNA, fleeing wallet

A tale of technology that began with a mix-up and ended in uncertainty.

The DNA Cloning Center was in a state of turmoil. Someone had switched the DNA samples of Charles Darwin and Charles Babbage years ago and it had just come to light. ("How do I know? The samples were marked Charles B and Charles D and when R&D called for Charles B, I heard it as Charles D… Or was it the other way around?")

Interestingly, what this switch had accidentally created was a future generation of cross-bred clones - technologists with a keen interest in evolution. And that's the reason why, ever since, the tech world has seen a race for the survival of the fittest, best explained by the following famous quote - "Every morning in Cyberia, a mobile phone is switched on. It knows it must outperform the fastest Google Glass or it will be killed. Every morning in Cyberia, a Google Glass is picked up. It knows it must run apps faster than the slowest mobile, or it will lose. It doesn't matter whether you're a mobile or a pair of glasses - when Apple comes up with its next product, you'd better be running."

However, with different groups keenly contesting this race, there were side-effects that had to be borne by the common man. For instance, heat transfer principles and a unique ‘Spin Chill’ technology had resulted in a portable device that could chill a drink in half a minute, but mankind, on an average, spent 130 hours or over five days a year waiting for computers to load a program, application or file. In other words, all the time saved in chilling a drink was spent waiting for a computer to get warmed up.

Even the world of finance fell prey to this bizarre phenomenon. On one hand, tech whizzes had come up with software that could predict where a burglary was most likely to occur next. The program could study crime patterns and relevant data collected over the past decade, sweep hot spots and come up with calculated predictions about the next criminal activity likely to occur in a neighbourhood. Using this, they could bring down the crime rates in residential localities to a reasonable extent.

However, another set of scientists had come up with an equally revolutionary invention - a wallet that runs away when it feels that its owner is spending excessively. Working in tandem with a book-keeping app named Zaim, the wallet, if forcibly picked up by the owner and opened, even screams for help. If the owner persists and takes money out of it, the wallet resorts to its ultimate weapon – it sends a mail to the wallet owner’s mother.

Now, everything would have been fine if only the two inventions had chosen to co-exist peacefully. But since that goes against the grain when it comes to the theory of evolution and survival of the fittest, one had to cannibalise the other. As a result, the wallet that ran away sometimes lost its way and thus became a prime target for thieves. So, the program that predicted the next burglary would inadvertently also predict the exact location of the wallet (if it was the wallet that was being stolen). Conversely, if the location of the runaway wallet was found, it would make it easier for someone to steal it, thereby leading to a burglary - which was already predicted by the software. This was now getting complicated.

The situation was best summed up by a geek. "The process of predicting a burglary that involves a wallet would lead to the owner holding on to it and possibly spending more, which would lead to the wallet running away. But locating the wallet would give away its coordinates, which would lead to it being stolen." A young physicist who heard it took notes furiously and surreptitiously. ‘Ah, the uncertainty of it all… This could do wonders in quantum mechanics,’ he muttered to himself as he rushed to the lab.

The next morning, the world was introduced to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. 

So what’s your dress saying?

There are some who are weary of technology, but there are those who simply wear technology…

Tulip turned towards the tailor, her pretty face showing the merest hint of annoyance. How dare he ridicule her request for a dress in which the pocket could accommodate a TV? "32 or 40 inches," he had smirked. Well, she would not give him an inch on this debate. But it set her thinking. She couldn’t fit an electronic device into her dress pocket. But what if the dress became the device by itself? If only she could weave technology into her clothes, it would not leave the tailor in stitches.

She had just read about socially active undergarments for women that tweeted when they were unclasped. Though it was for a good cause - to promote breast cancer awareness - Tulip realised that she needed to come up with something more conservative. In 2010, a 'Twitter dress' had already been worn by a Grammy winner, displaying images tweeted by fans. It became such a sensation that a year later, Microsoft came up with their version of a Twitter dress as well. Called the Printing Dress, the apparel, primarily made of paper, doubled as a Twitter screen, displaying tweets as fast as they were churned out.But then, how could a dress made out of paper be adopted by technology? Wasn't it too old-world? To prove this point, an artist had come up with her own version of a paper dress - only, this was made out of the pages of a telephone directory.The dress was not only considered haute-couture, but also exotic - after all, when was the last time anyone had come across a telephone directory?

It is not known whether the artist had planned a summer collection - a bright sunshine yellow range of apparel using Yellow Pages, but another printed revolution came along to transform the world of fashion. It was the world’s first 3D-printed bikini, called the N12 bikini, which could be printed out on a material called nylon 12, or N12. All one needed to do was feed their drawing into the computer and the 3D CAD software would print it out as a bikini. Suddenly, shopping online for swimwear had become passé - the new trend was to just pull it out of a printer at home.

Of course, the accessories to go with such apparel - like Galaxy Gear, the smart watch by Samsung, and Google Glass - had already been launched. And those who chose to synchronise their dress with a hoodie could opt for Ping, which operated through gesture recognition and facilitated Facebook updates on the fly (er, on the go). Women could go for the M-Dress, which not only made for a smashing ‘little black dress’ for the cocktail circuit, but also doubled as an attractive mobile phone, with a cleverly designed slot for the SIM Card. (However, since it’s both a phone and a frock, the jury is still out on whether it is a phrock or a frone.)

Though it might look a little incongruous, an ensemble featuring the M-Dress, the Ping and the Galaxy Gear can take care of all of one’s communication needs. For those in the rebellious, maverick mode, Nokia's tattoos could complete the look for a great Friday night. The tattoos vibrate when there's an incoming call or a message on one's Nokia mobile, so someone shaking hands with you could be at the receiving end of a mild tremor while you are at the receiving end of a call.

Tulip had seen enough. She had a killer idea - a kerchief that would also be a TV and would play soaps in 15 languages from all the leading channels. 'And after watching their favourite serials, viewers can use the kerchief to wipe away their tears,' she thought excitedly. ‘I just can’t wait to see the look on that tailor’s face when I ask him to stitch a dress that can accommodate my TV.'   

Meet the Avengers

A stunning exposé on the Avengers story that reveals how it all began as a technology project...

Nick Fury was just a nanosecond away from winning the game on his motion-controlled console when a holographic message popped up in thin air, filling the room with glowing letters and startling him. 'Go for SHIELD' it said. In an instant, it dawned on him - S.H.I.E.L.D, or Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate. It was now up to him to bring together all the members and get the team ready for action.

Nick would have loved to try out the Xbox, but an ambush marketing clause forbade him from trying out anything prefixed with X as another legion of superheroes had appropriated it. Suddenly a news item popped up on his crystal cube. A car had sprayed an invisible liquid called SmartWater - an odourless chemical with long-lasting effects - on a thief who stole a laptop and other items from it. And when he was exposed to ultraviolet light, he turned green under the glow. "I've found my Hulk," Nick whooped. But ‘Hulk becomes eco-friendly under UV light’ sounded wimpish - it had to be more dramatic. 'Hulk turns green when he gets outrageously angry' would be a more exciting way of putting it.

Nick then opened Google to further his search. A news item about the search engine giant caught his eye. In the mid-80s, Hewlett Packard had developed proprietary software which would serve as an Optical Character Recognition engine, but post-2006, Google had begun funding the project. The project’s name made Nick sit up - it was Tesseract, considered by many as the source of unlimited power! If he found the man behind Tesseract, he would find Captain America, for it was he who had battled Hitler's armies to stop it from falling into the wrong hands.

Nick then checked out for the weekly leaks, more popularly known as Wiki Leaks, to figure out if he could lay his hands on some confidential information. He stumbled upon TALOS - Tactical Assault Light Operator Suit, a miracle of modern technology that gave the US Army a suit that was not only bulletproof, but could also heal wounds. Besides, it would fire weapons, have GPS and contain magnetorheological fluids that would become solid when they come in contact with electric and magnetic fields. And of course, night vision, oxygen supply, temperature control and advanced communication systems were part of standard equipment. 'Just add Augmented Reality or Google Glass and this will give the wearer superhuman strength', Nick rubbed his hands in glee. His Iron Man was ready for combat.

Hawk Eye was pulled out of a game of cricket and the Black Widow, from an Animal Planet shoot. Now, Nick needed just one more member. He didn't have to look too hard. A giant with long hair and a weird helmet strode past, effortlessly carrying a hammer over his shoulder. "Are you after Loki?" Nick asked eagerly. "No, I’m just part of a low-key maintenance project, from the PWD," came the reply. "You'll do," said Nick excitedly. Thor was found and the entire team of S.H.I.E.L.D had been assembled.

Then came the second message. 'Check out Batman – Arkham City’. Nick was stumped. He had just assembled the entire team and now they wanted Batman? "How is he a part of S.H.I.E.L.D?” he vented his fury. "The Nvidia Shield, you idiot,” came the response. “Since you were a gaming freak, thought we’d suggest the Shield – a gaming device from Nvidia.”

Nick's face fell. Now what would he do with this team? He went back to Google again. After some searching, he came across someone named Stan Lee who was looking to create action comic books. He surveyed the battery of technology that he had painstakingly put together. Would all of them now be reduced to entertainment for kids? 'Is this what they mean when they say that technology is for future generations?' he sighed and began writing a long mail to Stan. 

Who let the frog out?

The fascinating tale of how an ancient Indian folklore changed the way NASA operated.

It's a grandma’s tale about Ram and Shyam that we are all so familiar with. Ram was an honest, hard-working farmer while his neighbour Shyam was a good-for-nothing type who would always laze around in his charpoy, watching Ram toil hard in the fields. Ideally, this story should end with Ram bringing home the fruits of his labour and Shyam cursing himself for having frittered his time away. But that's where NASA stepped in - and the duo’s lives were never the same again.

NASA put out an incredible, too-good-to-be-true offer on various job portals – one that came with a pay of over $5000 a month to anyone who could spend 70 days in bed. The idea was to study the effects of microgravity on supine souls. During this time, the chosen candidates would be allowed to do as they pleased – watch TV, surf the web, read books, play games and even entertain visitors. They could have a bath in bed too. So, while Ram was sweating it out in the fields, Shyam had quietly logged into a job site on his smartphone and applied for the opening. NASA should have given him a wide berth, but looking at his credentials, they gave him a wide bed instead and sent him a terse message – ‘Houston calling Shyam, come in please!’

Ram was shocked. The biggest loser could win only in a reality show for weight loss. It couldn't happen in real life. What would happen to all the moral science lessons in textbooks? What kind of values would children grow up with? Who would extol the virtues of hard work? Ram had done all the hard work – and now, he couldn’t end up becoming the laughing stock of the village.

So he approached NASA and pleaded his case with them. After much deliberation, NASA decided that there was only one way out. The astronauts needed some fresh food that could be grown in space and consumed. Besides, space expeditions were getting longer and it was getting increasingly difficult to carry food for the trip. "What's the best crop to be grown this season?" they asked him. "Lettuce," he replied. "So be it," they said in unison and blasted him into outer space so that he could do some space farming. And that was how Operation Veggie – a vegetable production system that would facilitate nutritious salad crops for the space travellers – began. The system would ensure that the plants were under a constant stream of red and blue light so that they could carry out photosynthesis.

Ram carried everything that he needed for the job - seeds, sample plants, sacks of fertilisers, water hoses and even a tractor. Unfortunately, he had a stowaway on deck. A frog that had gone MIA in a sack of fertiliser managed to extricate itself and tried to jump ship just as the space shuttle was blasting off. And that was the famous photo of the frog that was seen during the launch of NASA’s LADEE (Lunar Atmosphere and Dust Environment Explorer) spacecraft at the Wallops Flight Facility in Virginia.

The story ended with the rabbit on the moon becoming a space raider and searching for lettuce patches in the Milky Way. The frog, after its maiden space voyage, turned into a celebrity and is currently producing and starring in cool Crazy Frog music videos. Ram and Shyam gave up farming and are focusing on their current careers with NASA. However it was not a happy ending for all. NASA, despite turning vegetarian and trying to grow couch potatoes and lettuce, got into trouble with PETA for not having taken permission to send a frog into outer space.

Good Indian folktales always have a moral – this one has two. For oldies, no matter what, technology always pays. And for youngsters, the next time your folks curse you for goofing off, please let them know that you're busy preparing for a career at NASA. 

An apple goes to the disco…

When the PC is programmed to tell jokes, Apple has to do the exact opposite - like kick-start a silent revolution.

It’s official – man goes into sleep mode without a computer in his life. From doing his work for him, playing him music and keeping him entertained, to helping him with his shopping, his finances, his banking and his social life, the device has become indispensable to man. And it was this realisation that set the stage for a milestone event.

Contrary to popular belief, the first digital revolution happened when the computer replaced the dog as man's best friend. It could do everything that its canine rival could do – it could roll over with a mouse over and play dead. It could spin circles around him, get into an endless loop and drive him mad. It could get totally bug-infected and yet not allow him to clean it up. It could even fetch the e-newspaper every morning. And to top it all, there were the unbelievable brownie points that it scored over the mutt. It didn’t have to be let out every morning to do its thing. And it didn’t have to be neutered for fear of little tablets running around the place.

But dogs can't tell jokes, while a computer can. To prove this, a team of scientists from the University of Edinburgh decided to programme a computer and make it a complete companion. (This is further proof that man and his computer are mutually compatible - think back to the 90s when there was this famous ‘Made for each other’ campaign featuring a couple where the lady was reading out from the Official Polish Joke Book and regaling her partner. Now, replace the duo with a man and his computer - there would no longer be any need for the joke book. QED.)

So the team wrote some cutting-edge software that made the computer come up with funny one-liners, thus establishing the fact that computers not only had a memory, but also a sense of humour. (It's a different matter that the jokes were not appreciated by the target groups on which they were tested, but it's just a matter of time before the project gets bought over by Google and is revamped and launched as Giggle, the joke finder.)

Interestingly, a major chunk of those who didn't enjoy the jokes were Apple fans. It's difficult to find out if the Apple brigade didn't find the jokes funny because they came from a PC or because they found them tasteless. (“Offensive jokes from a PC? Why are we not surprised? It’s been a long while since Windows shut the door on aesthetics.”) So, inspired by their fans, Apple came up with the perfect response - total silence. While the PC was making a noise about its new-found ability to create jokes, Apple quietly came up with the silent disco app.

‘Silent disco’ works by synchronising music and songs amongst a group of people who can listen to it on headphones or through their personal devices. But Apple's new technology, referred to as the roving DJ, uses the digital information of a song and matches it with all songs similar to it, so each person can dance to his favourite song playing from his device instead of everyone listening to the same song. There's more - the digital network created amongst users can be accessed by Bluetooth and Wi-Fi, so a party can happen across the city, with people listening in from wherever they are. It would also be possible for people to take turns as DJs, just to ensure that the same person does not end up choosing the songs to be played.

And now, the battle lines are drawn and the jury is still out on which of the two people would fancy more - walking their computer on a leash or taking an apple to the disco. 

Caught Adam, bowled Eve

The fascinating story of how the search for Adam and Eve led to the world's bitterest cricket rivalry.

The tech world never had it so good. First came the revelation that Adam and Eve didn’t live in the same era. Cutting-edge technology was used to isolate and label several thousand mutations, through which genetic links and the building blocks of the Y-chromosome were identified. A detailed analysis of this Y-chromosome revealed that the two were strangers from different time zones. Then came the voice of dissent, which was also supported by technology. "While there's no proof of Adam and Eve having been married or having officially registered their marriage, the possibility that they were seeing each other is clearly brought out through carbon dating," claimed the idealist.

The scientist scoffed. "The state-of-the-art imaging technologies that we are using just can't be disputed. Besides our satellite measurements, we also have incredible proof through LiDAR (Light Detection and Ranging), an advanced aerial imaging technique, the results of which have helped us locate the Garden of Eden. And there is no sign of either Eve or of Adam’s missing rib."

"But what about the half-eaten apple thrown away by Adam? It's the world's first piece of trash," said the idealist emphatically. "We made use of ground-penetrating radar, Computed Tomography (CT) scans and also plied robotic drones into the project, through which we unearthed several middens – or old-world trash dumps. We then measured the phosphorous levels in the soil, but," the scientist shook his head, "our efforts didn’t bear fruit." The idealist decided to take on another approach to prove his theory. "The Y chromosomes get passed down only from father to son, so if Adam's gene pool contained mitochondrial genome, he had to have gotten it from his mother – Sir, you need to be looking for a mummy." And thus began the search for the world's first mummy. DNA analysis, mass spectrometry, protein analysis and several other techniques were employed to research the findings. "We need to stop here,” pleaded the scientist. “Not until we dig up all of Eden and plough through every inch of ground. Remember, only when we set sight on that mummy swathed in bandages shall we call it a wrap,” the idealist said angrily.

So laser scanning reality capture methods were used to get more details of the mummy. But the resultant 3D geometric mesh yielded nothing. Finally, a group of British researchers decided to get to the bottom of it all - and found out that the scientist had been looking in the wrong place all along. Instead of trying to locate the Garden of Eden, he had accidentally dug up Eden Gardens in Kolkata. However, two very interesting discoveries were made. The first was an ancient scroll that contained undecipherable text. On using Reflectance Transformation Imaging (RTI), the researchers realised that the text had a curiously strange resemblance to something the cricketing world was familiar with. One of the researchers – also a freelance member of the Barmy Army – let out a whoop. “This is the origin of the Duckworth-Lewis formula that’s being used to decide truncated one-day matches – no wonder it’s undecipherable.” Besides, with the BCCI not yet under the RTI (Right To Information) ambit, further attempts to decipher Duckworth-Lewis was discouraged and the system was deemed fit to be followed worldwide.

The second discovery was even more significant - it was an urn filled with Mishti Doi (a traditional Bengali dessert) that looked slightly burnt, with the word aashun - meaning 'come' in Bengali – inscribed on it. It is not known whether it was a formal proposal from Adam, asking for Eve’s hand in marriage or asking her to lend a hand for dinner, but in their haste to take back a piece of Indian history – something they were really good at – the team from UK took the urn back home, quickly changed aashun to the Ashes and taunted the Aussies with the lure of sweet success. The rest, as they unfortunately say, is history.

The Kleenex strikes back

Television finds itself threatened by an adversary with a much smaller screen - the mobile phone.

The head honchos of several GECs (General Entertainment Channels) got into a huddle with a bunch of techies. Things were just getting worse for them - on one hand, their ad revenue was shrinking with the cap on the advertising air time per hour. And on the other, people were spending too much time on their mobiles. It was fine as long as it was restricted to commercial breaks - there were so many of them. But now, with the number of ads being drastically cut down, all their mobile activities were happening during prime time television, when the soaps were on. Predictably, TRPs began sliding.

"I can't believe this. It should be ‘them’ who should be sitting in front of the idiot box with these boxes,” the head of a regional GEC pointed to a box of Kleenex as he bawled into a fresh tissue. “Instead…” he couldn’t continue any further. Another channel head was deep in thought. "We need to do something about those mobiles...” He looked at the techies, one of whom spoke up. "A London-based start-up has created a tracking system that locates where the audience is and plays ads in their mobiles. We can use it to play recaps of the earlier episodes of your soaps in 60 second loops that will stop only when the viewers sit in front of the TV and take their hands off the mobile." The channel heads were overjoyed.

When the viewing millions realised what was happening, they were furious. "They didn't even seek our permission to flood our mobiles with their content. We have to retaliate." They went to the same set of techies who were only too happy to make more money. And they came up with Off Pocket, a mobile case that was capable of blocking any signal - cellular, Wi-Fi or GPS. "Slip your mobile into this and it will be impossible for anyone to track it or send any reminders," they assured them. The GECs were back to square one and went back to the techies, who were ready with another solution.

"Every mobile has an energy source that emits radiation - we can use infrared sensors coupled with the latest thermal cameras to locate these phones." 'Must be like the HotSpot technology in cricket,' thought the executive from the GEC that showed a lot of T20 as well. Soon the mobile phones couldn't stay hidden and the trackers were back at work again, inundating each phone with hours of episodes and reminders, until the bleary-eyed viewers couldn't take it anymore. They trudged back to the techie team.

"Not a problem," said the team leader, "we have the perfect answer for that too. We'll make your mobiles virtually unrecognizable and so small that no tracking system can locate them." So they created tiny mobiles with ultra-strong micro-supercapacitors that made SIM Cards look like visiting cards in comparison. And with the supercapacitors being so light and flexible, the mobile phones ended up looking like tiny buttons. So life went on smoothly, with audiences staying engrossed with their phones and the channels working themselves into a lather over their soaps faring badly.

The GEC heads, driven to despair, called for another meeting. "The management is clearly bored of directors dishing out the same drivel on the channel," began a channel head. However, the others were too busy with their mobiles, checking their respectiveshow ratings, and ignored him. "Why are you guys phubbing me?" he demanded, feeling irritated. "What's that?" the others asked, unfamiliar with the term. "Phubbing - it's snubbing others by getting busy with the phone when they're talking." "If snubbing people with a phone is called phubbing, what's snubbing soaps with phones called?" one asked. "Sobbing?" suggested another helpfully.

And that's the reason why, to this day, die-hard fans of soaps are seen sobbing as they watch their favourite characters go through one trauma after another, five days a week.

Thumbs up to the three-finger salute

When fingers get into trouble because of smartphones, trust technology to lend a helping hand.

It's official. Mobile phones are causing a lot of damage to our fingers. And now that the royal heir is born, England have retained the Ashes and the UK economy is looking up, a leading cellular service provider from the Queen’s own country has decided to give their nation – and the world – something new to talk about and thereby increase their revenue. That ‘something new’ has turned out to be Thumbells, or dumbbells for the thumb. The product has been created to heal sore thumbs and strengthen them for more action, coming shortly in the form of 4G.

If the United Kingdom could do so much for its 83 million subscribers, can India, with over 10 times that subscriber base, be left far behind? While the nation keeps its fingers crossed, a group of tech wizards with their fingers on the pulse of the common man have come up with a list of innovations that are finger-licking good. And since different people message differently, the innovations are varied, so that the whizzes can have a finger in every pie. Here’s a sneak peek:

The Vulcan Nerve Pinch: Who would have thought that the ‘Control-Alt-Delete’ routine that we've been practising for years to revive our dying computers would resuscitate our lifeless fingers as well? Special gyms with long rows of keyboards are being proposed where the manoeuvre – involving the thumb and two other fingers – can be practised 20 times a day.

Thummunity: Several online groups are being planned where finger gymmers can form a Thummunity - a Thumb Community. (Other fingers can be included through referrals, and will be called members.) Sister associations of the Thummunity are also planned – these will be called Fingerlings. One of the highlights of these associations will be a forum that would offer ‘fingertips’ - useful suggestions for finger exercises. There will also be a medical forum titled 'Have you been fingered?' which will have experts from the medical community addressing questions on the problems and solutions concerning damaged fingers and their rehabilitation.

Fingerbook: Fingerbook is a variation of Facebook, soon to be announced by the social media biggie. Why Fingerbook? "Because," said a senior programmer on conditions of anonymity, "if you can use your fingers to update Facebook, why can't you use your face to update Fingerbook?" The idea was to rest one’s digits and use other body parts, like the face, for instance. This revolutionary thought has given rise to a new form of communication, called Chilbow.

Chilbow: Just because your fingers are in rehab, you can't afford to not check mail or update your Facebook status. So, to cash in on this thought, a tech entrepreneur has cashed in on the big bucks of several angel investors and has found a unique way of updating Facebook – or Fingerbook – posts. Called Chilbow, it’s a technique where one uses one's chins and elbows to update status messages, upload photos and videos, and like posts from their friends. Since behavioural patterns on Facebook already involve giving one the cold shoulder, having tongues wag, getting nosy and putting one’s foot firmly in the mouth, plans are on to expand the scope of this new communication technique.

Full-finger workout: This routine helps exercise all 10 fingers together and involves enacting the nursery rhyme 'One Little Finger' five times a day. But for those who think it’s child’s play, suitable exercises that involve imbibing nicely chilled, golden-brown liquids from large glass mugs could do the trick. This not only exercises all five fingers, but also the wrist. More for information, google Oktoberfest.

All the ideas were well-appreciated and made the founders richer with several rounds of funding, until one day, the bubble burst. Fingers were no longer needed to interact with mobiles – a girl from Goa had come up with gesture recognition.

You err, it stirs…

The story of how technology made the world tremble each time a spelling mistake was made...

What do you get when you put together a processor, some memory, Linux OS, vibration mode, motion sensor and Wi-Fi capabilities? A computer, of course. Now, what happens when you add some ink and a nib to this contraption? You get a digital pen that vibrates when it spots spelling mistakes or illegible writing.

The pulsating pen has steadily been writing its own success story in traditional and social media.  And while the world stands agape at this new invention, India can only stand aside and yawn. From doors that shut themselves till eternity if a wrong password is uttered, to ghosts that give the slip when the wrong answer is given to their question, we’ve seen it all in our mythological movies, haven’t we?

However, since science is always given preference over movies in our media, people have gone suitably ga-ga over the invention. And just when the pen is all set to chalk its own course, the naysayers (read manufacturers of ordinary gel pens and ball pens) have embarked on Project Sabotage, to make sure that the success story of the pen springs a leak. Here’s their side of the argument:

“Imagine students writing their exams with this pen. They would start trembling the minute they make a mistake. Schools would then inform their parents who would start wondering if their child had contracted examophobia, testitis, quizzaria or worse. This could in turn lead to child psychiatrists working overtime and minting money. The DVD sales of Taare Zameen Par will skyrocket all over again, with everyone wanting to know if a) their kid has a problem and b) Aamir would visit their kid’s school as well.

There would also be other problems if the minicomputer inside became virus-infected. Parents would have a tough time sending leave letters to their kid's school stating that their ward be excused from attending classes for two days because his pen had crashed. Schools would simply refuse to entertain such nonsense.

Doctors could also have a serious problem if they used the pen to write prescriptions. The digital pen would go hyper trying to decipher every squiggle of theirs – from Aspirin to Zinetac, not a word of their indecipherable writing would make sense to the pen, so it would protest and vibrate non-stop. And most pens would give up, with their mini on-board computer going into a freeze each time the doctor started prescribing medicines. 'Patient alive, pen dead' would be the common refrain heard in the corridors of every dispensary. Even if the pens survived this graphologic nightmare, the doctors wouldn't be able to handle so many vibrations each minute and would be forced to seek medical assistance or an assistant, as the case may be.

There could also be serious issues if the pen were to be used in courts - judges and lawyers would appear to be under severe pressure if the hand that wrote the verdict trembled because of the vibration. The battery could be a problem as well - what if the pen ran out of charge and the writer had 750 episodes left in his daily soap? And what if the battery leaked, creating a short-circuit and sending coroners into a state of severe shock each time they signed a death certificate?”

Adding support to this argument, another anti-pen faction began a movement to bring back the pencil and oust the digital pen. Called Pencil-in, ‘the vaccine for trembling hands’, this movement suggested an innovation which would be so advanced that it would make the vibrating pen obsolete. The pen was able to point out mistakes made, but this innovation would do better - it would carry an implant that would actually help remove the error. This attachment needed no maintenance, microchip, software, power source or upgrades. It wouldn't hang or get corrupt.

And that was how pencils with an eraser at the other end were born.