Saturday, September 22, 2012

And then there were seven Bonds…


A chilling expose of how technology unearthed a secret agent’s identity from Neanderthal paintings.

Marseille, France. Daniel Craig was experiencing a free fall five miles above the earth. In exactly 15 seconds, he had to be in the caves of Santillana del Mar in Cantabria, Northern Spain. He pressed a button on his belt to unfold the Eurocopter, powered by Zorin microchip technology. Before he could say ‘Oops, wrong button’, there was a huge explosion and he was at the cave in the nick of time.

He struck a neon flare and heard a voice. “Welcome, Mr. Bond.” It was Indiana Jones. “Do you know that you are not the first Bond here?” Craig nodded. “I know, I’m the sixth…” “No, you are the seventh - the first Bond came 42,000 years ago.” “You can’t be serious,” Craig raised an eyebrow.

“We used advanced 3-d scanning - and employed digital reconstruction to recreate images,” Indy continued. “Uranium-series technology helps – do you know that uranium decays into a form of radioactive thorium when incorporated into the minerals and...” “But these specimens are too minute to...” interjected Craig, raising his other eyebrow. “I know, we used Accelerator Mass Spectrometry radiocarbon dating for more accurate answers - we've taken all the c14 atoms, you know...” “So what did you find?” asked Craig impatiently.

“See that cave painting there?” Indiana pointed to a painting of a wheel with a man walking in the foreground. “That’s not a wheel. We created a full‐scale, digital representation of the cave and used an enveloping media installation – it layers the 3‐d laser scans onto the existing image.” Craig shook his head. “But it's a wheel, see those six spokes...” “The wheel wasn't invented until 8000 BC. This painting is 42,000 years old. Those, Mr. Bond, aren't spokes, they are the chambers of the .38 calibre gun - and the man seen walking before them was the first Bond.”

Indiana continued. “He was forever bound to the wheel - so they started calling him Bound for short. Since it sounded so much like Bourne, they removed the u and began calling him Bond. That’s when he began the ‘name's Bond' routine. But, with the poor acoustics of the caves, it sounded like James Bond. And that was how it all started.

40,000 BC. The caves of Santillana del Mar. Q takes Bond to a secret chamber inside the cave. “This is the latest in communication devices - the smoke signal SS C902. You are assured of a signal at all times. Works without a battery. Leaves no traces because it burns itself out…”

“Technology,” said Bond, shaking his head. Q then displayed an ejector mechanism. "This will lift you off your seat and propel you 30 feet across. It comprises desiccated cactus thorns - I've hardened them further with a mix of ethylene glycol monoacetate and diacetate. Just sit on it - the built-in ejector mechanism will do the rest.” “This is cutting-edge stuff,” cried Bond. “There’s more,” said Q blushing, “I'm still working on the tiger skin camouflage jacket that can change into a deerskin blazer when worn inside out...” He was cut short by a loud rumble.

"Run," yelled Q. "That’s Dr. Hannibal Lecter – and he’s hungry!" “Haven't you invented anything that can save us?” “I don't know,” mumbled Q. “There's the Aston Martin Vanquish, a high-tech cart that can become invisible, but there’s only space for one.” And he dived into the cart. Bond was left alone to face Hannibal.

“It’s nice to have a celebrity for dinner,” purred Dr. Lecter.  “Doctor… No!” The screams echoed across the caves for centuries until Hollywood heard them.

The rest, as they say, is history.   

Saturday, September 8, 2012

See Da Vinci smile…


Technology finally reveals the secret behind Mona Lisa’s mysterious smile

1522 AD. September 9, 2 am. The powers that be were censoring everything that was being said – even birds could only chirp and not tweet. Da Vinci's peers complained to him. They were being targeted because they were avowed critics who were very vocal about their views. “But do you have to…,” Da Vinci began. “Don’t be ridiculous, we’re art critics,” they thundered. Da Vinci smiled. “This is nothing - the future will see bigger threats to free thinking and communication.” Saying so, he began to paint the Mona Lisa.

2012 AD. September 9, 2 pm. Robert Langdon was fast asleep. He had just returned to his hotel room after rescuing the Pope, the American President and Austin Powers. He had long retired from teaching symbology at Harvard. One of his books - The Symbology of Secret Sects - had become an international bestseller because of a typographical error in the title and was outstripping the figures of Fifty Shades of Grey. Thanks to the royalty from the sales, he could live like royalty. But now, this incessant knocking on the door...

"Message for you," gasped the man at the door. Langdon checked his mobile. "Cheap plots at Porur", the sms said. He shook his head in disgust and checked his Facebook, Orkut, Google+ and Twitter accounts. There was nothing in any of them. He looked enquiringly at the man. "If there was a message for you in your mobile, why would I be here?” the man gasped. “The computer museum, hurry" the man gasped and passed out. "Silicon Valley?" Langdon thought.  "Too far away, I’ll have to send my holographic image."

In a couple of seconds, he was virtually there at the scene of the crime. It was a man strangled with a USB cable, grotesquely straddling a Pentium and a Cray-1, reminding Langdon of Ajay Devgn’s entry scene on two bikes in Phool aur Kaante. The word Illuminati was tattooed across his chest in UV ink. “This is unusual,”he mused. “Am I not supposed to unscramble something?” 

Soon the letters ‘I-l-l-u-m-i-n-a-t-i’ swam in virtual space and rearranged themselves into ‘I-I'm a li’l nut’. “Little nuts or coffee beans - Java!" Langdon snapped his fingers - "The clue leads us to the internet - Java is such an important language for the net. It’s in line with other hidden meanings I've found in renaissance paintings using predictive diagnostics."

Five seconds later, Langdon was in his lab, analyzing the Mona Lisa using diagnostic imaging technology that involved thermographic analysis, the kind typically seen in biomedical applications.  Analyzing Mona Lisa’s smile with complex algorithms, he cracked open the mystery behind that enigmatic smile – the brush strokes were in fact, several tiny words. Magnifying them to an incredibly high resolution, he read them out. "They had to go to the rein tent, start a nail or wet sock, o fake cob or write terrible things. Have coca nut? They’ll go glib conk your set wet and spots.” Cracking this would take a journey to at least 37 countries in the next few hours.

Turning the Mona Lisa around for clues, he found a tiny inscription at the bottom - La Soluzione. The solution! “Rein tent is internet, nail or wet sock is social network, o fake cob is Facebook and if you abbreviate terrible things to tt, then write tt is twitter. Coca nut is account, glib conk is blocking, set wet is tweets and spots is posts.” His voice trembling, he read out the message that Da Vinci had left behind for future generations, Nostradamus-style. "They had to go to the internet, start a social network, Facebook or Twitter. Have account? They'll go blocking your tweets and posts."