The (tri)cycle of life

A white paper on the evolution of mankind across three very important eras.

There have been various theories floated on man’s evolution, but now, a detailed study has helped classify and document the progression into three eras - mythological, illogical and technological.

The mythological era lasted from 10,000 BC to the time television was invented. Next came the illogical era, the age of cynicism that coincided with the invasion of TV. Notably, glimpses of the first era were depicted through long-drawn, but popular serials with disastrous production values, causing people to scoff at arrows flying in slow motion and laugh at the funny wigs that everyone wore. The technological era began with the advent of social networking.

Now for some pertinent details on each of them.

The Mythological Era

It was an era when nothing defied belief, not even gravity. Man could fly, levitate, change his form at will and take on a new identity. He could make himself invisible. He could enter any place and slip away unnoticed. He had the powers to see things that occurred thousands of miles away. He could beam himself across the seven seas or interact with anyone from halfway across the world. He had devised magical mantras that could open locked doors. Only he could utter them - if someone else tried, it wouldn't have the same effect. From cities beneath the sea to herbs growing on a faraway mountain, he could locate anything in a second.

The Illogical Era

This was an era when nothing defied gravity, not even belief. Man picked up his remote and sank into his couch, only to vegetate happily ever after. The past was a myth; everything about it was illogical. If he was really meant to fly, he would have sprouted wings. Sure, planes had been invented by then, but they wouldn’t take off – either the airlines was grounded or the pilots were on strike.  If he was meant to go invisible at will, he wouldn't have been given a beer belly that had nowhere to hide. And those mantras couldn’t help him unlock a piggy bank, let alone open the vault at Fort Knox.

So man convinced himself that everything that had to be invented had already been invented and that stories from the past about teleportation, telekinesis and telepathy were not as real as teleshopping for weight loss products.

The Technological Era

This is the current era, where nothing defies belief, not even Gangnam Style. (One does talk about horses for courses, but horsing around in the middle of a dance does call for suspension of disbelief.) Social networking allowed man to change his form at will and take on a new identity. (On last count, Facebook had 83 million fake profiles.) He could make himself invisible during chat sessions. Hacking enabled him to enter any place and slip away unnoticed. Webcasts and podcasts gave him the powers to see things that would take place thousands of miles away. Skype allowed him to interact with anyone from halfway across the world. Voice-enabled passwords became his magic mantra that could open locks - and biometric technology made sure that only he could use them. If someone else tried, it wouldn't have the same effect. Google allowed him to search and locate anything in a jiffy, from cities beneath the sea to herbs growing on a faraway mountain.

As for levitation, he’s still cracking it. Once Spielberg and Apple join hands to mass-produce the hoverboard that was featured in Back to the Future 2, it’ll be a reality. 

Getting to the 100-crore club

The scoop on how technology is helping Bollywood get to the billion figure mark with alarming regularity…

Bollywood. An opulent set of a large haveli abutted by sunflower fields on one side and the Swiss Alps on the other. Inside, everything’s covered in white cloth, except for a table in the center, with the industry’s biggest names (that will not be mentioned here to protect identities) seated in a huddle.

A baritone voice boomed across the table. "I'm sick and tired of our films being compared to Hollywood's technical wizardry all the time. Why should it always be about their technology, digital marvels and software simulations? What should be done to add technology to Bollywood?”

“I've brought in a couple of young computer guys who have a few suggestions…” a senior director mumbled. “Ok, we need technology that will give us access to any song, movie, plot, script or story that we might take a fancy to,” a producer winked as he proceeded to brief them. “And we should be able to search across 130 languages.”

The pair began their presentation. “We’ve been put through a crash course of the 100 kitschiest Bollywood blockbusters and have spotted the areas where technology can be of the greatest help to you.”

“We’ll begin with an audio application called Shazam,” said the first techie. “Just install it in your mobile, turn the application on and hold it near an audio source – it will automatically identify the song and it’s all yours.” “You mean we could take any of it and be… suitably inspired, right?” the famous lyricist wanted to know.

This tendency to ‘copy left, right and center’ had already led to an abbreviated use of the expression - copyleft, a term which meant that every piece of work was freely available to be downloaded and open to modification. It was Bollywood’s contribution to technology, but then, the world was not yet ready for such shocking revelations.

“Incredible! And what if I know the tune, but don't have the song with me?” asked the music director. “You could use Midomi. Hum the tune into the mike - the application will instantly find the complete song. The other option is Musipedia - a virtual keyboard will appear on your screen and you can play a tune on it. The original song will be located at once.”

“What about scenes? We love to lift scenes as well, you know...” stated the writer. “There is AnyClip, a website that has categorized scenes according to genre, year of release, actors, whatever...” The second techie continued. “You can even enter a line of dialogue and it will help you identify the movie.”

“We make around 1000 movies a year - we can't write the stories for all of them, you know...” the maverick moviemaker trailed off. “You could enter key words like boy meets girl, brothers separated at birth, lost and found or love triangle in Jinni.com or IMDb – it’ll throw up several plots and storylines for you to choose from,” the first techie added.

“What about complete scripts? There are times when one needs to rip off complete scripts,” said the head of a leading production house. “IMSDB would assist you on that. Musicals, award-winning scripts, family drama - take your pick,” said the duo.

“But the future is all about 100 crore blockbusters – can you ensure that?” enquired the lead actor. The duo shrugged. “You could launch a start-up and hire us.” “How will that help?” asked Team Bollywood.

“Even if your movie doesn’t sell, your start-up will – you are sure to make your billion.”  

A tryst with technology

(Note: This is the writer's cut and an unpublished version...)

After years of Indian cinema pinching from Hollywood, Silicon Valley retaliates with a ‘same pinch’.

September 27, 1998. Bollywood. A large haveli abutted by sunflower fields on one side and the Swiss Alps on the other.

Big B's baritone voice boomed across the table. "I'm sick and tired of our films being compared to Hollywood's technical wizardry all the time. Why should it always be about their technology, digital marvels and software simulations? What should be done to add technology to Bollywood?”

“I've brought in a couple of young computer guys who have a few suggestions…” Yashji mumbled. “Ok, we need technology that will give us access to any song, movie, plot, script or story that we might take a fancy to,” Mahesh Bhatt briefed them. “It would be ideal if there can be a single point from which we can access all of them,” he winked.

“We’ll begin with an audio application called Shazam,” said the first techie. “Just install it in your machine, turn the application on and hold an audio source near it – it will automatically identify the song and it’s all yours.”

“Incredible! And what if I know the tune, but don't have the song with me?” asked Bhatt. “You could use Midomi. Hum the tune into the mike - the application will instantly find the complete song. The other option is Musipedia - a virtual keyboard will appear on your screen and you can play a tune on it. The original song will be located at once.”

“What about scenes? We love to lift scenes as well you know...” mumbled Yashji. “There is AnyClip, a website that has categorized scenes according to genre, year of release, actors, whatever...” the second techie continued. “You can even enter a line of dialogue and it will help you identify the movie.”

“We make around 1000 movies a year - we can't write the stories for all of them, you know...” Bhatt trailed off. “You could enter key words like boy meets girl, brothers separated at birth, lost and found or love triangle in Jinni.com or IMDb – it’ll throw up several plots and storylines for you to choose from,” the first techie added.

“What about complete scripts? There are times when one needs to rip off complete scripts,” said Bhatt. “IMSDB would assist you on that. Musicals, award-winning scripts, family drama - take your pick.”

“Wait a minute!” Bhatt sat up. “But all these sound like different sites to me. Are you sure they are all yours?” “No, they are not,” replied the first techie. “But our site will take you to all of them.”

“The future is all about 100 crore blockbusters – can you ensure that?” enquired Big B. The duo shrugged. “You could have a start-up and hire us.” “How will that help?” asked Team Bollywood. “Even if your movie doesn’t sell, your start-up will - you are sure to make your billion.” 

The trio got into a huddle. “What do you think?” “I don’t know, it sounds so farfetched that even our ridiculous storylines and action sequences sound more believable.” “We’ll get back to you,” they chorused, but never did.

The techies soon met a VC and things worked out. Their new company would offer a single window from where one could search for anything. Needless to say, the idea was pinched from the Bollywood meeting. And that was how Google came into existence.

And that’s also why, despite September 7 being the day when Google was incorporated, September 27 is celebrated as its birthday. For, that was the day Larry Page and Sergey Brin were ‘suitably inspired’ by Bollywood’s big idea.