Proof that revenge sucks

Success may have different hues, but when it comes to varying tastes, there's nothing like revenge.

The dreaded underworld from the cyberworld was in session. This was a splinter group that called itself Cosa Moustra (loosely translated into ‘The mouse's thing’) and was actively involved in hold-ups along the information highway and extortion through ingenious means.

The group had a simple modus operandi - to infiltrate laptops and PCs belonging to the rich. (How did they figure that out? Simple, they just went for computers that had a lot of cache.) The idea was to secretly smuggle in malware called ransomware into the PC. And the malware would take over from there. For starters, it would lock the machine and make all the files and content of the hard disk inaccessible, by encrypting them and rendering them unreadable. And the only way the user could unlock the machine and retrieve his files would be by paying a ransom.

So they found the right guy for it - a cricketer whose IPL contract was stuck in his laptop. The good news was that he was going to get paid Rs. 10,00,00,000. And the bad news was that if he didn't sign his contract and send it on time, he would be watching the entire IPL season on TV. But he had only himself to blame - he had received another mail with the subject, 'Find out how you can make Rs. 11,00,00,000'. Thinking that it was a bidding war from a rival team, he clicked open the mail and its attachment eagerly, only to realise that he had inadvertently let in the ransomware. Soon there was a pop-up: 'You have the money. We have your files. Exchange?'

Time was of essence - the ransomware had a timer, so if he didn't act fast, his laptop, his IPL contract and the big bucks would all go up in smoke. The cricketer was stuck. He thought he had struck a purple patch, but now his laptop needed a patch to remove the malware. But it wasn't that easy - if he tried to mess with the ransomware, it would lead to him losing his files. If he tried to format his hard disk, he would still end up losing his files. ‘A bit like facing Dale Steyn from one end and Mitchell Johnson from the other,’ he sighed.

Even the computer experts were helpless. "We aren't able to trace the mail," they told him. "The ransomware has taken over the boot up process of the machine and after making sure that it’s on a firm wicket, is now toying with you. Er, how did it know that you are an Indian medium pacer?" The cricketer remained defiant. "I shall not pay," he insisted. He received another mail. 'A cyber supari has been announced to defame you. If you don't pay, you won’t play – instead, a purported sting operation of you agreeing to fix matches will be played online.'

The cricketer was now desperate. "What do I do now?" he asked his actress girlfriend. "They sent you a cyber supari. You send them a cyber lollipop," she said. "That would be the ultimate revenge." "What’s that?" he asked incredulously. She put on her geek glasses and began. “It’s an electronic device which, when placed on the tongue, can simulate any taste - sweet, sour, bitter or salt. A series of electrical and thermal stimulations are delivered through the device to the tip of the tongue and hence create the sensation of taste. The system alters the various properties of alternating current and creates suitable stimuli." "So how would that be revenge?" the cricketer asked. "You know how power fluctuations are in our part of the world. The minute they keep the device on their tongue, it will suffer a short-circuit - you can imagine the rest."

“And why is it the ultimate revenge?” he persisted. “When the electrode is placed on the tongue, it would feel pretty cold,” she smiled. “Remember what the Godfather said? Revenge is a dish that tastes best when served cold.”